Santa Claus an Exclusive Interview! PART 3

Icing Sugar Bunny from Diaphanous Cerulean 6 asked why Santa has flying reindeer instead of flying bulls, this video shows why this is so, Santa works with elves not cowboys darlings! (Elves are from Middle Earth and cowboys are from Nashville).

This is PART 3 of a 3 part exclusive interview with Santa Claus by award winning journalist and gossip hound Eye Candy (presented by SOL 3 NEWS part of IGTDN). Missed earlier parts of the interview darlings? Here they are dished up for you by Eye Candy PART 1 and PART 2 now we continue with Santa…

I Eye Candy continue my probing of Claus “Sweet Santa darling, Looney has asked about your views on the ‘recent efforts of the United Nations to allow elves to form unions along with international agreements mandating card check’ he always comes up with these helpful questions Claus.”

For a moment Santa seems perplexed (are not we all darlings?) but then he answers like a bull in a china shop “Well Eye Candy and Looney to be frank I am not a government, ho ho ho, I am just Santa Claus, I am an equal opportunity employer so if Sol 3ites choose to form same sex unions I just follow the local jurisdiction. Ho ho ho I don’t play cards!” Well Looney I am sure you found that answer from Claus to be simply riveting; he is so happy and gay answering questions!

I continue my investigation into the mind of Claus “Santa baby one of the common questions you must get asked but never seem to give a clear answer to is: how do you deliver all those gifts in one night? After all it seems a logistics nightmare.” After asking this question I nonchalantly shook my hair back into a slightly dishevelled appearance as I find it throws males I am interviewing off their game providing more frank answers.

For a moment Santa is mesmerized but then answers the question “Well Eye Candy, have you ever thought of doing shampoo commercials? Ho ho ho, I am going to come clean with you here Candy Cane Girl. When we first started delivering gifts we would do it all in one night by flying reindeer. However today, ho ho ho, we primarily use five methods. We deliver gifts throughout the year but leave them invisible then on Christmas turn on the visibility. We also use time released gifts with the help of one of our sponsors Pleasura Travel, time travel is a very efficient way to deliver such a massive amount of gifts over a short time. Another method we use is teleportation on Christmas we simply teleport the gifts. Of course we still use flying reindeer, although we are concerned about Rudolph’s nose being stuck in hyper drive. One of our major delivery methods is the global population; they do a wonderful job of delivering gifts. Ho ho ho!”

I even I Eye Candy am for an instant stunned at this answer. To think that the Sol 3 population helps to deliver Christmas gifts is quite the revelation! As I pondered this concept Claus made a suggestion that I intend to follow up on, a journalist has to be prepared to follow leads from their sources.

“Eye Candy if you really want the ultimate Christmas story you should time travel to the First Christmas.” Claus made this suggestion so casually that I almost let it glide past. Then I thought it may be a nice way to spend the long weekend! Afterwards I could go bowling and then attend a flying reindeer barbeque! Who would have thought Rudolph would be such a good chef?

On Christmas Day I will be reporting live from Bethlehem 2000 years ago. Brought to you by our sponsor Pleasura Travel exclusively on Sol 3 News!

Claus and I then indulged in what is called a “snowball fight”. Opponents scoop snow into balls in their hands and then throw them at each other! My hair became more dishevelled and I almost spilt my coffee!

Santa Claus an Exclusive Interview! PART 2

The second part of the SOL 3 NEWS, IGTDN Multiverse exclusive interview with Santa Claus talking to our award winning journalist Eye Candy. PART 1 here.

“Claus darling you must be aware of the rumors that are rife about your non-existence, what would you say to those that deny your Jolly Self is roving the sky in an annual migration with a pack of flying reindeer dropping off gifts around SOL 3?” Asks I Eye Candy of Claus who is looking more dashing every moment I lay eyes upon him.

“Ho ho ho, Eye Candy my little Christmas cookie sweetness you do ask the cutting questions!” Just as he thinks I am going to interrupt to cleverly trap him into answering he continues “But I can’t resist your questions you’re irresistible. Well first of all I would say what do you mean I don’t exist? I mean here I am being interviewed by Eye Candy winner of the Sublime Hegemony TheoPhilo Award for Journalistic Excellence right here on SOL 3 News! As part of The Inter Galactic Trans Dimensional News you are an authority in reporting and the authority on certified authentic gossip!” Claus rests his hands folded together as if to say “case closed” and it is hard to argue against his logic is it not?

Perhaps this is so but I am not finished with Claus on this yet. “Claus darling, perhaps some history would add correction to the false assumptions folks here on SOL 3 have about you.” Claus sits up and responds by saying “are you talking about the origins question? I knew I should have made that out of bounds before the interview, but I suppose it is too late for that ho ho ho.”

I smile my gossip hound grin at Claus “yes the question of origins” says I “You and I both know that you are not originally from SOL 3.” Oh yes I know this is brand sparkling new news to SOL 3ites but to us of the Sublime Hegemony it is old news darlings. “Claus you are from the Sublime Hegemony, Diaphanous Azure, Azure 7 to be more precise. You and I Eye Candy grew up going to some of the same bubble festivals and Crescendo Cave Dormancies. Then as we went our separate ways I with developing my preeminent position in news and gossip in the Multiverse and you as Santa Claus, now tell us how this came about my darling Nicholas.”

A huge smile was wrapped like a gift upon Claus’s face “Yes Eye Candy what you say is true, as you went off in your direction in the media and some also suspect in the undercover services I became a Pathfinder” That is First Wave researchers and investigators in new solar systems investigating sentient life. I will also interject that although I did penetrate the Teuto-Trans-Zenith Authorities Harem it was as a journalist and gossip hound not as some clandestine Sublime Harmony secret servant (after all do I even I look like a Bond Girl? Can you imagine darling?) I nodded for Claus to continue.

“After being here in the present with my Pathfinding I booked Pleasura Travel for a SOL 3 time travel vacation. I traveled back to the 200’s and 300’s AD SOL 3 time to a place that is present time SOL 3 Turkey.” I was stunned by this revelation, I even I for an instant did not speak a word. This explained why present day SOL 3 ate turkey for Christmas! Another mystery unraveled by me Eye Candy!

Claus continued “it was then that my position on Thought Wars…” (See side bar: philosophy and theology) “…shifted to acceptance of some SOL 3 concepts regarding the disposition of those conceptual models, I became a saint and still am a saint, as a matter of fact there are plenty of us saints around”.

“You became Saint Nicholas” said I Eye Candy.

“Yes and I also found that my views on Common Use…” (See sidebar: The un-economic system of the Sublime Hegemony: everybody owns everything and nobody owns anything) “…was a jolly fit for my New Thoughts”. Nicholas had a glint in his eyes and charm in his smile with these words.

Darlings in PART 3 we will get the answers to questions such as “how do you deliver all those gifts in one night?” This third and final installment of my exclusive interview with Santa Claus will be published here at SOL 3 News Wednesday December 23 at 12:01 AM PST (Pacific Santa Time).

Santa Claus an Exclusive Interview! PART 1

A SOL 3 NEWS, IGTDN Multiverse exclusive interview with Santa Claus, award winning journalist and gossip hound Eye Candy spends some time with the Jolly One just before the big day.

I yes even I Eye Candy was thrilled to sit down with Claus. He is an old friend of mine so when I met him at our non-disclosed location it was an event to behold! He has always been a rather eccentric gentleman and his attire and attitude was as peculiar as ever. In short he is simply ravishing!

“Claus darling I have not seen you since before you became a saint!” says I Eye Candy.

“Eye Candy, you look sweet as a candy cane and hot enough to cause global warming, ho ho ho.” It has always amazed me how Claus can sweet talk the ladies. It can’t just be that white cotton candy beard!

“Thank you Claus darling, speaking of global warming have you noticed any particulars around your alleged icy habitat?” Claus’s cheeks are so red you just want to pinch them!

“Oh right to the point, but of course you are an award winning journalist. I suppose confession is good for the soul so I may as well come clean here my squeezable gal pal.” At first Claus had the look of what Sol 3ites would call a “deer caught in the headlights.” Deer are four legged animals that are typically graceful and slender, charming creatures that taste good barbequed, but more about them later. Headlights are visual aids at the front of popular transportation vehicles here on SOL 3, modes of transport that are partially blamed for global warming (a quaint local theory of SOL 3 overheating because of the actions of SOL 3ites polluting). “Yes Claus I am an inquiring mind, what is your confession?” asks I as I sip my Starbucks and he his undisclosed drink (perhaps a warm milk to go with his cookie?)

“Well I have never been a match for your inquisitions my dear. Why I remember that cute little red dress you wore to the Enchantra Water Music Festival Celebratory Gala, for that matter you are an eye full today, but I digress. The fact of the matter is that the bright red proboscis of our lead reindeer Rudolph has been stuck on hyper drive for a few SOL 3 years, ho ho ho. You know it’s not the first time it has happened either!”

“Oh dear Claus, is it a medical or an engineering challenge? You do realize that many SOL 3ites will be stunned at this news.” News I must point out that I even I award winning journalist Eye Candy have exclusively discovered.

“It is medical Eye Candy, but nothing serious. We have to consider that by flying reindeer years Rudolph is an adolescent and on SOL 3 it is normative for youth to have skin problems.” The Ho Ho Ho-ing one replied smugly.

“Global warming is nothing more than Rudolph having skin blemishes!” I find it helpful to formulate “sound bites” for my readers. They provide some dramatic flare and theatre plus who knows it may get me elected one day (What? You think I’m all kisses and winks? Surprise darlings! I am also a good bowler).

Claus gave me a calculated look then replied “can you imagine why we would want to keep quiet about this? Rudolph is quite embarrassed and in a tizzy. Some of the other reindeer have been teasing him and not letting him join in their reindeer games! They forget I’m making my list and checking it twice.” A bit of Claus head shaking here then he continued “This thing has become so political, and you know I am not political. After all do you know how many borders we need to cross every year when delivering Christmas gifts? We don’t want to lose business to UPS!”

Darlings in PART 2 we will get the answers to questions such as “does Santa really exist?” plus “how do you deliver all those gifts in one night?” and more with MY exclusive! Can you imagine? Monday December 21 12:01 AM PST (Pacific Santa Time) PART 2 will be here at SOL 3 NEWS! (If you have any questions for Santa leave them in our comment section and we shall see if I ask them darlings!)

Song/video: Santa Claus is Coming to Town by Bruce Springsteen (A SOL 3 musician)

The Reimagined V TV Show Video: Reptiles and Lizards oh my! V for Chickens! Stiletto Heels and Aliens!

SOL 3 never ceases to plunder the improbable as once again they succumb to silliness with yet another alien entertainment television show (translation: television is also known as TV or “the idiot box,” actually it is a cute little medium for entertainment rather like the progressive visual anthology mirrors of Bindoor 10). I should add here that an “alien” in this context is…well…me…and you…any persons alien to SOL 3 which of course includes all persons of the Sublime Hegemony.

The show apparently a “reimagined” or remade TV program creatively named V (not the Roman numeral “V” but the capitalized version of the letter “v” in the English language) is about space aliens “Visitors” that visit SOL 3. These aliens are much more developed technologically than SOL 3 (is this not true of everybody darling?)

These “aliens” have an appearance of the SOL 3 dominant species “humans” however they are actually a reptile species! Here we go again; next they will try to tell us that the Stiletto Heel Confederacy Premier on Diaphanous Cerulean 6 is a frog! Reptiles and lizards oh my! V for vexation darlings, sentient slithering scaly creatures traveling through space, can you imagine?

Have you ever seen a lizard at the Enchantra Water Music Festival Celebratory Gala? No of course not, we dine upon Tragnorian eggs after all, reptile eggs! For these silly SOL 3ites to suggest space traveling intelligent lizards would be like us creating such a program with intelligent space traveling chickens! Can you imagine the drama in that? Boldly going where no fowl has gone before! Indeed! This being said the lead lizard alien lady of the program looks like in her former years she could have attained the progressive school of shroud-kiss luster lip-paint bar replenishment.

Astonishingly I could wear a chicken costume in most major cities on SOL 3 and probably not garnish a significant reaction. Let me test this right now *investigative research ensues with chicken costume in 17 major SOL 3 cities* Now that was exhausting darlings, but I am as you know thorough in my research.

I found that I was invited out for dinner 8 times (a bit low for me to be sure), I was asked to migrate 2 times by local police (silly authority figures, chickens cannot fly and walking is a slow migration for a bird), 3 times I was given candy (can you imagine me Eye Candy?!), 3 times while in the SOL 3 city of Las Vegas I was asked if I was from the “Chicken Ranch”, and once I was asked if I was a space or transdimensional traveler! Expectations are low here on SOL 3.

Star Trek Movie 2009 a Video, Movie Adventure and Movie Review

Being still relatively new to SOL 3 I had never been to what they call a “movie”. The group I went to the movie Star Trek with when learning of my lack of experience then started a chant as we purchased our documents (called “tickets”) they chanted “virgin Eye Candy”. I can only imagine what they would chant if they could pronounce my real name!

After acquiring the proper documents to enter the movie we instead coordinated an attack upon another booth (this is called “lining up”) to find more food to consume (we had already consumed massive amounts of food and beverages proceeding this occasion). However as I researched “going to the movies” prior this event I was already prepared! SOL 3 is fond of eating nebulas worth of what they call “popcorn” while going to a movie. During my research I discovered beverages called “pop” a bubbly (carbonated) sugar saturated beverage (bubbly sugar water). I also ascertained information on “corn” a kind of cereal plant sold in what is called “ears” (can you imagine? You can’t make this kind of thing up!)

Anyways, in an attempt to better understand SOL 3 inhabitants I purchased a glass of pop and placed my earlier purchase of an “ear of corn” in the glass with the bubbly sugar water. It was a peculiar beverage that certainly attracted much attention from others (something I am rather familiar with). It was a peculiar cocktail which would have been enhanced with another flavor of luster lip-bar (see right sidebar), however I digress.

We found our seats in the theater which was crowded by many persons. The stranger I sat beside greeted me by saying “live long and prosper.” I am uncertain if this was an insight as to my present condition or a proposed desirable outcome.

The lights dimmed as I sipped my popcorn beverage and the presentation began. Advertisements for many undesirable forms of humor or entertainment were offered followed by the “main attraction”.

Star Trek is from the entertainment genera named science fiction. Really rather silly attempts to project feasible concepts and characters into future situations with more advanced technology, and even cognitively identity aware intelligent alien species! Can you imagine?

After viewing the movie Star Trek I then viewed every television episode and movie of the series on the way out of the theater transacted through the Hyper-network (see right sidebar) to enhance the experience and my knowledge base on the subject.

I have concluded that the movie had glitzy special effects that were at times seemingly trying too hard similarly to a newbie shroud-kiss (see right sidebar). Indeed the effects at times seemed to distract from the movie itself almost as if they were trying to take over everything. However the technology representation was creatively embossed within the movie structure enhancing the believability for those on SOL 3. This is important for science fiction to accomplish; the science must have veracity for it to support the fiction.

Zachary Quinto (Sylar of Heroes) presented a masterful portrayal of Spock which added depth to the persona. This performance perhaps took the shine off that of Chris Pine in regards to Captain James T. Kirk. The rest of the cast was acceptable with the possible exceptions of Zoe Saldaña as Uhura who seemed stilted and awkward plus Eric Bana as the villain Nero who seemed to be trying just a bit too hard which led his performance to not being believable (once again see shroud-kiss on the right sidebar).

The time travel concept was delivered rather awkwardly, needing more than one voiceover to explain the situation which cannot be seen as good.

The integration of the character development seemed to be rather stunted as an overarching premise. Spock and Kirk were seemingly worked over but yet came back lacking (that being said Zachary Quinto was very good).

Overall it would be quaint to those of us from off SOL 3 yet to those on the planet that enjoy science fiction or are Trekkies the movie should be considered a “must see”. For those who are not from those two categories it may fall into the “I had too much Romulan ale to drink last night” category.

Taking all of this into consideration it seems unfortunate that it was decided to re-imagine the original Star Trek begging’s and to not try something new that could use the Star trek concept as a launch pad for exploration to go boldly where no Teuto-Trans-Zenith Authority Harem Member had ever gone before.

Cherry Blossom Samurai

A leisurely stroll among the delightful cherry blossoms in full bloom is a delight that should be on the must see list here on SOL 3 for any visitors from the Multiverse. I recommend visiting Japan in the 1860’s as I did.* I myself yes even I was then strolling through a magnificent panorama of pinkishness a color similar to that popular among the Cerulean Tussah Merchants veils** 16 Seasons ago (can you imagine?). I smile as I reminisce upon my first CTM veil so very perfect for flirting and gossiping!

I was luxuriating in the experience among these wondrous trees of pink when I heard in whispered masculine Japanese “I cannot see the blossoms as your beauty blinds the eyes.” Now certainly I have heard words similar to these on innumerable occasions but it still received my attention. I turned to see past the magically showering blossoms to behold what at first appeared to be an exotic drink attendant from the Enchantra Water Music Festival Celebratory Gala! Imagine my excitement at contemplating that perhaps one of those pursuing me may have ventured to follow me to this location in the hinterlands of the Multiverse.

However it was then that I realized that this was actually a local denizen in his own time period! He was what is referred to as a samurai, it was at this moment that I was thankful for recently applying Tantaliza Lustre Lip-paint.***

As the samurai walked towards me crushing the wonderfully delicate pink petals beneath his Bushidō stride I thought how charming he was in his armor holding his cute sword in his hand. He seemed ever so delicate among the sensual trees, quite intoxicating really! I almost used the stereotypical question “what are you a Cerulean Tussah merchant?” as the moment was so packed with drama, dreamy!

Soon after he complimented me upon my lustrous lips we began a delightful conversation about blossoms, gardens, tea and other such agreeable matters. We were both enchanted by the cherry blossom tree and its palace of petals, he preferred rather simple symbolic or even mystical gardens and although I admit that such a garden may have its charms I do prefer something with drama and scale such as JaQiNa 5 with its rather natural virgin garden on a global scale with lots of water, we were agreeable about tea although it seems that their tea ceremony is a rather quiet affair without a pool party or conversations concerning the Procreative Wars, Thought Wars, or Prime Pellucid Axiom’s!

I thought it imperative that I should then enlighten my samurai pink petal boy (well they were covering each of us like some sort of veil or such!) He seemed to like poetry but of course was unaware of the Multiverse so I shared some thoughts including Prime Pellucid Axiom #42 “The beauty of the eyes need travel no further than the beauty of the lips”. Well needless to say he then increased the romantic allusions with what he called a tanka:

Silver, or gold, or jewels?
How could they ever
Equal the greater treasure
That is a child? They can not.

Well it was all fine until he brought children into his intentions after all we had just met and I am no shroud-kiss (can you imagine?)! I was then suspicious that he was a proponent of the Procreative Wars but after further conversation it was clear he had mentioned such a thing as he thought I would find it desirable.

I have found this curious on SOL 3 and in need of some investigation. Some females of the dominant mammalian (land) species deliberately force themselves to wait in procreation past their healthy child birthing years then attempt a trapeze act of intervention methods to manufacture pregnancy. Some other females seem to jump at the opportunity to become an incubator.

There is even a current story being carried over the cute local SOL 3 news sources about a woman mysteriously named Octo-Mom at first I presumed she was a supporter of Echelon Gender Continuity Theory. She has no masculine partner with six children and then went through medical treatment and delivered eight more children. Just so we are clear said female is of the superior land mammalian species (humans) and is not a K-9 (I should interject here that K-9’s love Tantaliza Lustre Lip-paint so you should have many opportunities to pet puppies if you wear it on SOL 3!)

Now Octo-Mom is apparently being offered a local currency of $1 million to “star” in what they call a “porno movie” (keep in mind that SOL 3 lacks Pleasure Threads). Many are now attempting to guess what a film of this nature would be named in these kinds of circumstances. Yes I understand that to those of us in the more advanced and sophisticated parts of the Multiverse find the concept of a pornographic film to be simply revoltingly boring but SOL 3 is a primitive cultural and ethical backwater.

However darlings I digress, I told my samurai suitor to concentrate more upon the jewels and not the children for now (imagine if I explained to him about Pleasure Threads!).

It was at that moment that several other samurai’s encircled us and began to attack us so I relieved my cherry blossom samurai of his sword and performed an improvised form of the Teuto-Trans-Zenith Dalliance Dance and thus disposed of the threat with red blood dripping from the blade upon the pink pathway.

I cleaned the blood off the blade before returning it to him (he seemed rather mystified which was endearing) then I took a “photograph” of my samurai, gave him a lingering kiss under the lovely cherry blossoms and then requested a Hyper-time-delineation transfer to the present from Pleasura Travel and that was when my adventures went awry! In upcoming articles I will expand upon my adventures with our dear sponsors through time and space over the past several months.


*SOL 3 NEWS and Award Winning Eye Candy Exclusively Time and Dimension Travel with PLEASURA TRAVEL!

** Award Winning Eye Candy exclusively wears veils by CERULEAN TUSSAH MERCHANTS

***Award Winning Eye Candy Exclusively Wears TANTALIZA LUSTRE LIP-PAINT (the lip-paint bar that makes you feel like you are at the bar no matter where you are!

Be sure to wander the Decoding the Multiverse for Earthlings section on the right sidebar if you are unfamiliar with a term or just ask for help!