Saturday, December 19, 2009

Santa Claus an Exclusive Interview! PART 1

A SOL 3 NEWS, IGTDN Multiverse exclusive interview with Santa Claus, award winning journalist and gossip hound Eye Candy spends some time with the Jolly One just before the big day.

I yes even I Eye Candy was thrilled to sit down with Claus. He is an old friend of mine so when I met him at our non-disclosed location it was an event to behold! He has always been a rather eccentric gentleman and his attire and attitude was as peculiar as ever. In short he is simply ravishing!

“Claus darling I have not seen you since before you became a saint!” says I Eye Candy.

“Eye Candy, you look sweet as a candy cane and hot enough to cause global warming, ho ho ho.” It has always amazed me how Claus can sweet talk the ladies. It can’t just be that white cotton candy beard!

“Thank you Claus darling, speaking of global warming have you noticed any particulars around your alleged icy habitat?” Claus’s cheeks are so red you just want to pinch them!

“Oh right to the point, but of course you are an award winning journalist. I suppose confession is good for the soul so I may as well come clean here my squeezable gal pal.” At first Claus had the look of what Sol 3ites would call a “deer caught in the headlights.” Deer are four legged animals that are typically graceful and slender, charming creatures that taste good barbequed, but more about them later. Headlights are visual aids at the front of popular transportation vehicles here on SOL 3, modes of transport that are partially blamed for global warming (a quaint local theory of SOL 3 overheating because of the actions of SOL 3ites polluting). “Yes Claus I am an inquiring mind, what is your confession?” asks I as I sip my Starbucks and he his undisclosed drink (perhaps a warm milk to go with his cookie?)

“Well I have never been a match for your inquisitions my dear. Why I remember that cute little red dress you wore to the Enchantra Water Music Festival Celebratory Gala, for that matter you are an eye full today, but I digress. The fact of the matter is that the bright red proboscis of our lead reindeer Rudolph has been stuck on hyper drive for a few SOL 3 years, ho ho ho. You know it’s not the first time it has happened either!”

“Oh dear Claus, is it a medical or an engineering challenge? You do realize that many SOL 3ites will be stunned at this news.” News I must point out that I even I award winning journalist Eye Candy have exclusively discovered.

“It is medical Eye Candy, but nothing serious. We have to consider that by flying reindeer years Rudolph is an adolescent and on SOL 3 it is normative for youth to have skin problems.” The Ho Ho Ho-ing one replied smugly.

“Global warming is nothing more than Rudolph having skin blemishes!” I find it helpful to formulate “sound bites” for my readers. They provide some dramatic flare and theatre plus who knows it may get me elected one day (What? You think I’m all kisses and winks? Surprise darlings! I am also a good bowler).

Claus gave me a calculated look then replied “can you imagine why we would want to keep quiet about this? Rudolph is quite embarrassed and in a tizzy. Some of the other reindeer have been teasing him and not letting him join in their reindeer games! They forget I’m making my list and checking it twice.” A bit of Claus head shaking here then he continued “This thing has become so political, and you know I am not political. After all do you know how many borders we need to cross every year when delivering Christmas gifts? We don’t want to lose business to UPS!”

Darlings in PART 2 we will get the answers to questions such as “does Santa really exist?” plus “how do you deliver all those gifts in one night?” and more with MY exclusive! Can you imagine? Monday December 21 12:01 AM PST (Pacific Santa Time) PART 2 will be here at SOL 3 NEWS! (If you have any questions for Santa leave them in our comment section and we shall see if I ask them darlings!)

Song/video: Santa Claus is Coming to Town by Bruce Springsteen (A SOL 3 musician)


Jean-Luc Picard said...

You did well in getting an interview. He's usally so busy at this time.

Looney said...

I am curious what Santa's views are regarding recent efforts at the United Nations to allow elves to form unions along with international agreements mandating card check.