Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Santa Claus an Exclusive Interview! PART 3

Icing Sugar Bunny from Diaphanous Cerulean 6 asked why Santa has flying reindeer instead of flying bulls, this video shows why this is so, Santa works with elves not cowboys darlings! (Elves are from Middle Earth and cowboys are from Nashville).

This is PART 3 of a 3 part exclusive interview with Santa Claus by award winning journalist and gossip hound Eye Candy (presented by SOL 3 NEWS part of IGTDN). Missed earlier parts of the interview darlings? Here they are dished up for you by Eye Candy PART 1 and PART 2 now we continue with Santa…

I Eye Candy continue my probing of Claus “Sweet Santa darling, Looney has asked about your views on the ‘recent efforts of the United Nations to allow elves to form unions along with international agreements mandating card check’ he always comes up with these helpful questions Claus.”

For a moment Santa seems perplexed (are not we all darlings?) but then he answers like a bull in a china shop “Well Eye Candy and Looney to be frank I am not a government, ho ho ho, I am just Santa Claus, I am an equal opportunity employer so if Sol 3ites choose to form same sex unions I just follow the local jurisdiction. Ho ho ho I don’t play cards!” Well Looney I am sure you found that answer from Claus to be simply riveting; he is so happy and gay answering questions!

I continue my investigation into the mind of Claus “Santa baby one of the common questions you must get asked but never seem to give a clear answer to is: how do you deliver all those gifts in one night? After all it seems a logistics nightmare.” After asking this question I nonchalantly shook my hair back into a slightly dishevelled appearance as I find it throws males I am interviewing off their game providing more frank answers.

For a moment Santa is mesmerized but then answers the question “Well Eye Candy, have you ever thought of doing shampoo commercials? Ho ho ho, I am going to come clean with you here Candy Cane Girl. When we first started delivering gifts we would do it all in one night by flying reindeer. However today, ho ho ho, we primarily use five methods. We deliver gifts throughout the year but leave them invisible then on Christmas turn on the visibility. We also use time released gifts with the help of one of our sponsors Pleasura Travel, time travel is a very efficient way to deliver such a massive amount of gifts over a short time. Another method we use is teleportation on Christmas we simply teleport the gifts. Of course we still use flying reindeer, although we are concerned about Rudolph’s nose being stuck in hyper drive. One of our major delivery methods is the global population; they do a wonderful job of delivering gifts. Ho ho ho!”

I even I Eye Candy am for an instant stunned at this answer. To think that the Sol 3 population helps to deliver Christmas gifts is quite the revelation! As I pondered this concept Claus made a suggestion that I intend to follow up on, a journalist has to be prepared to follow leads from their sources.

“Eye Candy if you really want the ultimate Christmas story you should time travel to the First Christmas.” Claus made this suggestion so casually that I almost let it glide past. Then I thought it may be a nice way to spend the long weekend! Afterwards I could go bowling and then attend a flying reindeer barbeque! Who would have thought Rudolph would be such a good chef?

On Christmas Day I will be reporting live from Bethlehem 2000 years ago. Brought to you by our sponsor Pleasura Travel exclusively on Sol 3 News!

Claus and I then indulged in what is called a “snowball fight”. Opponents scoop snow into balls in their hands and then throw them at each other! My hair became more dishevelled and I almost spilt my coffee!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Santa Claus an Exclusive Interview! PART 2

The second part of the SOL 3 NEWS, IGTDN Multiverse exclusive interview with Santa Claus talking to our award winning journalist Eye Candy. PART 1 here.

“Claus darling you must be aware of the rumors that are rife about your non-existence, what would you say to those that deny your Jolly Self is roving the sky in an annual migration with a pack of flying reindeer dropping off gifts around SOL 3?” Asks I Eye Candy of Claus who is looking more dashing every moment I lay eyes upon him.

“Ho ho ho, Eye Candy my little Christmas cookie sweetness you do ask the cutting questions!” Just as he thinks I am going to interrupt to cleverly trap him into answering he continues “But I can’t resist your questions you’re irresistible. Well first of all I would say what do you mean I don’t exist? I mean here I am being interviewed by Eye Candy winner of the Sublime Hegemony TheoPhilo Award for Journalistic Excellence right here on SOL 3 News! As part of The Inter Galactic Trans Dimensional News you are an authority in reporting and the authority on certified authentic gossip!” Claus rests his hands folded together as if to say “case closed” and it is hard to argue against his logic is it not?

Perhaps this is so but I am not finished with Claus on this yet. “Claus darling, perhaps some history would add correction to the false assumptions folks here on SOL 3 have about you.” Claus sits up and responds by saying “are you talking about the origins question? I knew I should have made that out of bounds before the interview, but I suppose it is too late for that ho ho ho.”

I smile my gossip hound grin at Claus “yes the question of origins” says I “You and I both know that you are not originally from SOL 3.” Oh yes I know this is brand sparkling new news to SOL 3ites but to us of the Sublime Hegemony it is old news darlings. “Claus you are from the Sublime Hegemony, Diaphanous Azure, Azure 7 to be more precise. You and I Eye Candy grew up going to some of the same bubble festivals and Crescendo Cave Dormancies. Then as we went our separate ways I with developing my preeminent position in news and gossip in the Multiverse and you as Santa Claus, now tell us how this came about my darling Nicholas.”

A huge smile was wrapped like a gift upon Claus’s face “Yes Eye Candy what you say is true, as you went off in your direction in the media and some also suspect in the undercover services I became a Pathfinder” That is First Wave researchers and investigators in new solar systems investigating sentient life. I will also interject that although I did penetrate the Teuto-Trans-Zenith Authorities Harem it was as a journalist and gossip hound not as some clandestine Sublime Harmony secret servant (after all do I even I look like a Bond Girl? Can you imagine darling?) I nodded for Claus to continue.

“After being here in the present with my Pathfinding I booked Pleasura Travel for a SOL 3 time travel vacation. I traveled back to the 200’s and 300’s AD SOL 3 time to a place that is present time SOL 3 Turkey.” I was stunned by this revelation, I even I for an instant did not speak a word. This explained why present day SOL 3 ate turkey for Christmas! Another mystery unraveled by me Eye Candy!

Claus continued “it was then that my position on Thought Wars…” (See side bar: philosophy and theology) “…shifted to acceptance of some SOL 3 concepts regarding the disposition of those conceptual models, I became a saint and still am a saint, as a matter of fact there are plenty of us saints around”.

“You became Saint Nicholas” said I Eye Candy.

“Yes and I also found that my views on Common Use…” (See sidebar: The un-economic system of the Sublime Hegemony: everybody owns everything and nobody owns anything) “…was a jolly fit for my New Thoughts”. Nicholas had a glint in his eyes and charm in his smile with these words.

Darlings in PART 3 we will get the answers to questions such as “how do you deliver all those gifts in one night?” This third and final installment of my exclusive interview with Santa Claus will be published here at SOL 3 News Wednesday December 23 at 12:01 AM PST (Pacific Santa Time).

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Santa Claus an Exclusive Interview! PART 1

A SOL 3 NEWS, IGTDN Multiverse exclusive interview with Santa Claus, award winning journalist and gossip hound Eye Candy spends some time with the Jolly One just before the big day.

I yes even I Eye Candy was thrilled to sit down with Claus. He is an old friend of mine so when I met him at our non-disclosed location it was an event to behold! He has always been a rather eccentric gentleman and his attire and attitude was as peculiar as ever. In short he is simply ravishing!

“Claus darling I have not seen you since before you became a saint!” says I Eye Candy.

“Eye Candy, you look sweet as a candy cane and hot enough to cause global warming, ho ho ho.” It has always amazed me how Claus can sweet talk the ladies. It can’t just be that white cotton candy beard!

“Thank you Claus darling, speaking of global warming have you noticed any particulars around your alleged icy habitat?” Claus’s cheeks are so red you just want to pinch them!

“Oh right to the point, but of course you are an award winning journalist. I suppose confession is good for the soul so I may as well come clean here my squeezable gal pal.” At first Claus had the look of what Sol 3ites would call a “deer caught in the headlights.” Deer are four legged animals that are typically graceful and slender, charming creatures that taste good barbequed, but more about them later. Headlights are visual aids at the front of popular transportation vehicles here on SOL 3, modes of transport that are partially blamed for global warming (a quaint local theory of SOL 3 overheating because of the actions of SOL 3ites polluting). “Yes Claus I am an inquiring mind, what is your confession?” asks I as I sip my Starbucks and he his undisclosed drink (perhaps a warm milk to go with his cookie?)

“Well I have never been a match for your inquisitions my dear. Why I remember that cute little red dress you wore to the Enchantra Water Music Festival Celebratory Gala, for that matter you are an eye full today, but I digress. The fact of the matter is that the bright red proboscis of our lead reindeer Rudolph has been stuck on hyper drive for a few SOL 3 years, ho ho ho. You know it’s not the first time it has happened either!”

“Oh dear Claus, is it a medical or an engineering challenge? You do realize that many SOL 3ites will be stunned at this news.” News I must point out that I even I award winning journalist Eye Candy have exclusively discovered.

“It is medical Eye Candy, but nothing serious. We have to consider that by flying reindeer years Rudolph is an adolescent and on SOL 3 it is normative for youth to have skin problems.” The Ho Ho Ho-ing one replied smugly.

“Global warming is nothing more than Rudolph having skin blemishes!” I find it helpful to formulate “sound bites” for my readers. They provide some dramatic flare and theatre plus who knows it may get me elected one day (What? You think I’m all kisses and winks? Surprise darlings! I am also a good bowler).

Claus gave me a calculated look then replied “can you imagine why we would want to keep quiet about this? Rudolph is quite embarrassed and in a tizzy. Some of the other reindeer have been teasing him and not letting him join in their reindeer games! They forget I’m making my list and checking it twice.” A bit of Claus head shaking here then he continued “This thing has become so political, and you know I am not political. After all do you know how many borders we need to cross every year when delivering Christmas gifts? We don’t want to lose business to UPS!”

Darlings in PART 2 we will get the answers to questions such as “does Santa really exist?” plus “how do you deliver all those gifts in one night?” and more with MY exclusive! Can you imagine? Monday December 21 12:01 AM PST (Pacific Santa Time) PART 2 will be here at SOL 3 NEWS! (If you have any questions for Santa leave them in our comment section and we shall see if I ask them darlings!)

Song/video: Santa Claus is Coming to Town by Bruce Springsteen (A SOL 3 musician)